We have, over the years, heard of way too many bands that end up breaking apart because of personal differences, even hugely popular and successful bands. Of course, the break-up of those kinds of bands are usually for other reasons than what breaks up your everyday bands, but in many instances, I bet it’s not THAT different!
For example, personality differences can always play a destructive part in the harmony of a group, whether successful or not, and it can fester and percolate for a long time before blowing up, and ruining everything. Musical differences, if you really think about it, should be the PRIMARY reason for band break-ups, and should really be the ONLY thing that can really matter that much, as to create deep enough rifts to cause such a break-up.
I believe that all bands need a musical leader; one who provides the primary directive needed, as well as the musical direction for the other band members to follow. Still, if you are in this position, you must be able to field all opinions, all ideas and all emotions from the other members, so as to come to decisions that are as “democratic” as possible. This keeps from hurting people’s feelings, and most of all, it makes the band feel much more “whole”, as everyone feels like they have an equal say in matters. I know that in my formative years, even being a “sideman” in many cases, I still felt that it was important to always contribute musical ideas as often as possible. There were certain times, where almost as a complete surprise to me, I was suddenly appointed “musical director”, and had to assume this new role overnight!
This happened with me on the Phoebe Snow tour, when they decided to make me musical director, at the very last minute before leaving on tour! It was a “handcuffing” role to lay on me so abruptly, and I would’ve chosen different band members if I had that kind of power and “say” early enough on in the process. As it was, I had to live with the band as it was, yet still try to make the most of a largely musically mediocre situation! It was tough, but was certainly something I learned a lot from! Just remember, above all, keep the peace!